Torn in Pieces

Its more like a mystery now. The curiosity to know the answer than to fear on the consequences.
The series of melancholy has mastered in me.....the art of Observation and learning from every phase of life rather than react strangely to them.
Coz I finally understood that its nothing but a perpetual Virtuality to everything.
Nothing stays for a long time.
I seem to accept the fact better than others.
It doesn't worry me much now.
Now, its the feeling of an Archeologist trying to find out the deepest secret of an ancient Mythology.
Nothing personal. Its all a part of interest.
Trying to solve out yet another mystery of my life.
There's a lot of fear attached to the answer though.
Fear that the answer would bring along with it a Flood of dynamic hopes and unreal dreams .
The dreams that in no way can be brought to reality.
I would have felt the joy, too, and yet the happiness was somehow also pain.
Both the sides of the coin was MY defeat. I was never liberated to choose.
The destiny had always temporary archieves for me. Having it lost shouldn't mean much to me.
But how can I stop myself from the attachment. Its something which I could never control.
This life was probably too barbed up to make any decision of my own.
The decision torn between just the probability of the answer.
I couldn't bear the pain of the denial.
but I was also not ready to face the reality with the acceptance.
The grave fact that has been holding me back at every step.
I can't give up on myself so soon.....not after so many years of patience that I'd been bearing.
The sudden achievement of joy leaves me utterly defenceless against the principles I had been building for so long.
Now the voids makes me crave.....like a vampire for blood.
Its like burning in water. Pretention for the unfound.
A lot that cannot be expressed by mere words has now become a way of life to me.
Resoluting for a new beginning everytime isn't making it any better either.
But I m still dormant about it and continuing on...